Friday, December 2, 2011

5 exam answers I'd have been too scared to give my teachers

List by Tosca

"But the person who scored well on an SAT will not necessarily be the best doctor or the best lawyer or the best businessman. These tests do not measure character, leadership, creativity, perseverance."
- William J. Wilson

Lucky for these students, then, huh, that a test or exam doesn't measure the depth of their character? Just reading through their answers, I'm convinced they'd have failed spectacularly were that the case. What a way to go, though! I saw a tweet the other day about Benson's book F in exams: The best test paper blunders and immediately thought, "Oh! I gotta have it, need it, want it, live it, breathe it right now!" (Yes, I do talk in exclamation marks in my mind). It came in yesterday and has more than lived up to the funniness I wanted. If you haven't read this book yet, well, you really *must.* I laughed so hard I cried. (Although maybe that's not an incentive, considering I cry at Doctor Who episodes, romance novels, Torchwood episodes, Hallmark ads and Supernatural episodes. Whoa. A lot of my life revolves around fandoms). In short, the book is a collection of some awesomely hilarious examples of students answers to test questions. I wish I'd had half their gumption. Here for your entertainment (my ribs are sore from laughing so much): 5 exam answers I'd have been too scared to give my teachers!

Classical studies
Question: Who was it that helped Theseus escape from the Labyrinth?
Answer: David Bowie.

Tosca's comment: Oh, Bowie, you Goblin King, Goblin King! With those tights (and you know the tights I'm talking about, yes you do), I'm quite sure David Bowie could do anything. Except rescue Theseus from the Labyrinth.

Question: In Pride and Prejudice, at what moment does Elizabeth Bennet realise her true feelings for Mr Darcy?
Answer: When she sees him coming out of the lake.

Tosca's comment: LOL Oh, ho! Somebody only watched the movie version!

Religious studies
Question: Who was Solomon?
Answer: He was a very popular man who had 700 wives and 300 porcupines.

Tosca's comment: Porcupines LOL I'm assuming they meant 'concubines.' Concubines/porcupines. Similar? One would hope not. Although I feel somewhat reassured that a possible-high school student doesn't know what a concubine actually is. By the way, what on earth would Solomon do with 300 porcupines?

General studies
Question: What guarantees might a mortgage company insist on when buying a house?
Answer: They may check to see whether you are well endowed before allowing the purchase.

Tosca's comment: LOL You know those ridiculous snort-laughs that make you (me) sound like a pig that's being strangled? That's me, right now. Check to see WHAT?

Question: Name one measure which can be put into place to avoid river flooding in times of extensive rainfall (e.g. in Mississippi).
Answer: Flooding in areas such as the Mississippi may be avoided by placing a number of big dames into the river.

Tosca's comment: I think the big dames may object!


breve711 said...

This is the next book on my to do list! Reminds me of holden's answer in his history exam lol

breve711 said...

And there's nothing wrong with fandoms! I cried like a baby when they killed off ellen and jo in s5...and buffy/angel deaths always bring the rain too haha

catatonia said...

Holden Caulfield reference! Total win :P

Oh, fandoms! They break my heart, mend it, snap it, slap a bit of sticky tape on it, and devastate me all over again. And that scene with Jo/Ellen? SEE ME CREYS. If I had to count the number of times Supernatural has made me cry, it'd embarrass both of us LOL

breve711 said...

I'm not ashamed to say that when i first read the catcher in the rye i went around talking like holden lol he was my hero :) ditto re:fandoms..i'm halfway through an angel marathon, but i started from s5...tears, tears and more tears haha