5 Etsy shades of Fifty Shades

“Don't get your panties in such a twist... and give me back mine.”
- Anastasia in Fifty Shades of Grey

Oh, Etsy! Oh, Etsy, Etsy, Etsy. You beautiful, exciting beast. You terrible, awful monster. You give me everything I want and then, at the click of a mouse, offer up all I never wanted. You think I'm kidding. Look at the title of this post. I'M. SO. NOT. KIDDING. One minute I'm looking at Supernatural inspired pillow cases (remember: don't judge me for my fangirlness) and then I'm blinded by all of the things crafty people want to do with Christian Grey. You're all perverted, and you've made me a part of this terrible cycle because I have to share it with you.

And so, for my sins, I give thee: 5 Etsy shades of Fifty Shades. "What does that MEAN?" you ask me. "THINGS inspired by the BOOK," I reply. You don't have to thank me. (You probably won't want to and, really, I think I'm okay with that).

(Seriously, I'm conflicted. I hated this book, but I lovelovelove that it got people talking about READING and BOOKS and SEX (even badly written sex with inaccurate lifestyle depictions and all), and I heart times a bajillion that ppl want to get all craftsy up in here. I just wish the book was...better. You know?).

Top 5 shades of Fifty Shades

"So," I asked, "Do you like the feel of a feather on your naked skin?"
"I'm not sure," she said "Maybe if you took it off the pigeon first?"
- From Fifty sheds of grey by C. T. Grey

Art thou fed up to the back teeth of Fifty Shades of Grey? Have your eyeballs been singed by the spiciness of the dialogue and the raciness of the character shenanigans? (What DOES Anastasia do with that pancake flip? Why WILL you never look at a toothbrush the same way again? In fact, you may even chuck yours out). Yes? Well, that's just too darn bad BECAUSE BECAUSE BECAUSE I haz five shades of Fifty Shades!

"What does that EVEN MEAN?" you ask.

Simple: It means I took some time out of my day to look up any and all Fifty Shades parodies and/or Fifty Shades-related THINGS and STUFFS to make up this post. Beck had two turntables and a microphone. I have four Fifty Shades parodies, two sex books, a compact disc, and a pukeko in a ponga tree. (I lied about the ponga tree). (The pukeko is real, though). (Ok, no it's not, I lied about that, too). (I am a lying liar who tells lies). While you read this post, imagine me with no words whatsoever, because it would be the truth. Sexytimes parodies? Speechless. (Enjoy it while it lasts because I am never silent long). And yes, I've requested them all. It is my duty to take one for the team *said with hand solemnly on heart* Plus, I need the giggles. You're welcome, et voilà!

There is also:

Fifty shades of ecstasy : fifty secret sex positions for mind-blowing orgasms / Marisa Bennett

Fifty shades of pleasure : a bedside companion : sex secrets that hurt so good / Marisa Bennett

Top 5 most requested items for August 2012

"It is what you read when you don't have to that determines what you will be when you can't help it."
- Oscar Wilde

I find myself having conversations about books in the strangest of places. I always think that I've gotten used to the idea of random book chats in random non-bookish type locations, and then one comes along to prove me wrong. (On purpose, I'm sure). Today's was while standing in queue at a petrol station. I was waiting to be served when the gentleman in front of me turned around, spotted my nametag (yes, I wear this everywhere to work/home from work because I have no shame about who I work for - in fact, I'm kinda proud of it) and asked me if I'd ever read Lee Child, had I heard that Tom Cruise was playing Jack Reacher in the movie version of the first book, how did that happen (insert exclamation mark), and did we still have romance novels because his wife likes them a lot? FTW! And that timely conversation reminded me that it was time to post our top 5 most requested items for August 2012. One of which happens to be the latest Lee Child novel. Spectacular timing.