5 Etsy shades of Fifty Shades

“Don't get your panties in such a twist... and give me back mine.”
- Anastasia in Fifty Shades of Grey

Oh, Etsy! Oh, Etsy, Etsy, Etsy. You beautiful, exciting beast. You terrible, awful monster. You give me everything I want and then, at the click of a mouse, offer up all I never wanted. You think I'm kidding. Look at the title of this post. I'M. SO. NOT. KIDDING. One minute I'm looking at Supernatural inspired pillow cases (remember: don't judge me for my fangirlness) and then I'm blinded by all of the things crafty people want to do with Christian Grey. You're all perverted, and you've made me a part of this terrible cycle because I have to share it with you.

And so, for my sins, I give thee: 5 Etsy shades of Fifty Shades. "What does that MEAN?" you ask me. "THINGS inspired by the BOOK," I reply. You don't have to thank me. (You probably won't want to and, really, I think I'm okay with that).

(Seriously, I'm conflicted. I hated this book, but I lovelovelove that it got people talking about READING and BOOKS and SEX (even badly written sex with inaccurate lifestyle depictions and all), and I heart times a bajillion that ppl want to get all craftsy up in here. I just wish the book was...better. You know?).

Top 5 most requested items for November 2012

"There is a great deal of difference between an eager man who wants to read a book and a tired man who wants a book to read."
- G.K. Chesterton

I think I'm somewhat of a voyeur because I am always interested in what other people are reading/watching/listening to. It is the best part of conversations with other people. It is the worst part of conversations with other people. And so even as a small part of me goes SQUEE because YAY MORE BOOKS, an even smaller part of me groans in misery because my TBR (to-be-read) list cannot contain much more awesomeness. And yet I throw more at it, anyway. (Although not Fifty shades of Grey because I'm SO OVER THE HYPE OF IT. People, you need to find a new vanilla-BDSM book to OOH and AAH over). Today's list offers up some bad sex (although not so bad either of them won the Literary Review Bad Sex in Fiction Award, no, that honour went to Canadian author Nancy Huston), the 17th book in the Jack Reacher series (I still can't bring myself to watch Tom Cruise play the lead role - it's enough to make me want to cry), a lawyer in prison for the murder of a judge, and the youngest of the Walsh sisters. Et voilà! The top 5 most requested items for November 2012. ALL fiction.

Top 5 shades of Fifty Shades

"So," I asked, "Do you like the feel of a feather on your naked skin?"
"I'm not sure," she said "Maybe if you took it off the pigeon first?"
- From Fifty sheds of grey by C. T. Grey

Art thou fed up to the back teeth of Fifty Shades of Grey? Have your eyeballs been singed by the spiciness of the dialogue and the raciness of the character shenanigans? (What DOES Anastasia do with that pancake flip? Why WILL you never look at a toothbrush the same way again? In fact, you may even chuck yours out). Yes? Well, that's just too darn bad BECAUSE BECAUSE BECAUSE I haz five shades of Fifty Shades!

"What does that EVEN MEAN?" you ask.

Simple: It means I took some time out of my day to look up any and all Fifty Shades parodies and/or Fifty Shades-related THINGS and STUFFS to make up this post. Beck had two turntables and a microphone. I have four Fifty Shades parodies, two sex books, a compact disc, and a pukeko in a ponga tree. (I lied about the ponga tree). (The pukeko is real, though). (Ok, no it's not, I lied about that, too). (I am a lying liar who tells lies). While you read this post, imagine me with no words whatsoever, because it would be the truth. Sexytimes parodies? Speechless. (Enjoy it while it lasts because I am never silent long). And yes, I've requested them all. It is my duty to take one for the team *said with hand solemnly on heart* Plus, I need the giggles. You're welcome, et voilà!

There is also:

Fifty shades of ecstasy : fifty secret sex positions for mind-blowing orgasms / Marisa Bennett

Fifty shades of pleasure : a bedside companion : sex secrets that hurt so good / Marisa Bennett