Thursday, January 24, 2013

5 new erotic romances (some with covers and plots that make me giggle)

I'm not about to tell you that erotic romances are dirtybadwrong. I think anything that gets people reading - yes, even Fifty Shades - is always a good thing. (Seriously, people, stop talking about that book, though. It makes me want to cry for those who consider it 'good erotica.' It's not. I can recommend you some. I am your dealer for books with the funsexytimes that are written way more better-er. I promise). SO! As I was saying: BOOKS GOOD. I read romance novels of all kinds for one reason: the Happy Ever After. No matter what bad crap goes down between the hero/heroine (hero/hero, heroine/heroine, etc.), they're going to end up together. In the story, she is going to think he's Prince Douchetastic, and he's going to think she suffers from Sleeping Beauty Syndrome and needs True Love's Kiss to wake her hormones up, and they're going to fight, and generally treat each other hilariously (and probably badly), and someone might get murdered (because what's a little romance without a little murder, am I right?) BUT it will end happily. They are going to leave me with that feelgood feeling that I get when the Happy Ever After (yes, with capitals) takes place. That is what I need from a romance novel. Basically, I need this from an erotic romance novel, too. Just, you know, with a little more emphasis on the funsexytimes. (And fewer partners than a lot of the books below seem to have BUT I JUDGE YOU NOT, PEOPLE). I was stalking the new books lists for Top 5 ideas and spotted the Best Lesbian Erotica 2013 (which I've requested), and I realised that I don't do a lot about our erotic romance collection. I promote them in our Romance eNewsletter, but that's about it. And I felt sad because erotic romance books need love, too, right? (Although technically perhaps they have a little too much love already because, HULLO, content). And today's list is in recognition of that. Also, it allows me to share some of the plots/covers that make me facepalm, giggle and, generally, laugh out loud. Because I am forever juvenile. And now I have to wait for them to come in because, obviously, I've requested them all!

Fifty bales of hay: Sexy stories from the farm / Rachael Treasure
Come have a roll in the hay with one of Australia's leading rural fiction authors, Rachael Treasure, in her romping, rollicking first-ever collection of Agricultural Erotica. Guaranteed to get your tractor revving, Fifty Bales of Hay is an honest and imaginative exploration of everyday men and women getting down and dirty on the land.

Tosca's comment: Agricultural. Erotica. Let me say it again: Agricultural erotica. I have *never* heard of this, so of course I've requested it. I mean, OF COURSE, right?

Black gold / Vivian Arend
Lone wolf Shaun Stevens's automatic response to the words "happily ever after"? "Kill me now." Yet with all his friends settling down he's begun to think there may actually be something to this love-and-roses crap. One thing's for sure: his dream mate will have to out-cuss, out-spit and out-hike him. So he never expected the one to push his forever button would be a blue-blooded Southern debutante with a voice as dark and velvety as her skin. When Gemmita Jacobs steps off the plane in Whitehorse, Yukon, it's about more than her caribou research project. It's her declaration of independence from an overprotected upbringing. Except there's something in the air she can't quite define-something that unexpectedly rouses her mating instincts. Moments after their eyes lock, the deed is done-and done thoroughly. When the pheromone dust settles, though, all the reasons they don't belong together become painfully clear. It's enough to make a wolf learn a whole new set of cuss words.

Tosca's comment: Chosen for this list because the hero's almost-automatic response to "happy ever after" is "Kill me now." In real life, mine, too! (In a book, no way, you better give me that happy ending or I'm taking it by force). We are so twinsies. Minus the fact that he can't keep his shirt on. SO. TWINSIES.

Powertools / Jayne Rylon
Five men with power tools, what more can a girl want? Kate's Crew: Sultry summer has nothing on the five man crew renovating the house next door. How will Kate's white-knight in a hardhat react when she whispers her secret desire to be ravaged by his crew? Morgan's Surprise: Morgan may have made her own birthday cake this year but the sexy men helping to whip her fledgling bakery into shape will make sure she doesn't eat it alone. Kayla's Gift: When a faulty truck engine and a blizzard trap Kayla and the crew in her secluded naturist resort, the guys are more than willing to play by the rules of her clothing-optional facility. With four of them to share body heat, no one will be left out in the cold. Devon's Pair: When James sees the way his bisexual boyfriend is checking out their new apprentice, he's sure he's about to lose the man of his dreams. Until sparks fly between the three of them and he realizes that his boyfriend's girlfriend is becoming his girlfriend too.

Tosca's comment: IF YOU COULD SEE MY FACE, RIGHT NOW. IF ONLY. I've read Laurell K. Hamilton's books and the bedtime gymnastics got too confusing. I never knew whose body part was where, and I'd always worry that somebody's neglected limb (arm, leg, I dunno) was left out in the cold. So I stopped reading her. Although I *really* liked the supernatural politics of the worlds she created. This anthology kinda reminds me of that. The cold limbs. Not the politics. Also: THESE POOR MEN! They can't afford shirts *sad face* They can afford the powertools, but they cannae afford the shirts.

Davin's quest / Bianca D'Arc
Which man will Callie choose, the alien or the warrior? Or can she have both? For each Alvian, there is one perfect match a Resonance Mate whose soul blends in perfect harmony. Unlike the rest of his race, Davin has emotions and suffers for it. Without a mate, he is doomed to go mad. Searching for answers and understanding, he seeks out Callie O'Hara, a human woman with strong empathic gifts. Could this fragile human be his Resonance Mate? Rick St. John is a tough-as-nails survivor of the Alvian occupation of Earth. He doesn't believe in much, but when he sees Callie for the first time, he starts to believe in love at first sight. The Governing Council is gunning for Davin, the upstart who dares to defy them. And they'll kill anyone who gets in their way. Davin and Rick must come to terms with their feelings for Callie in order to keep her safe, while she has to find a way to save them both with her love. Contains hot alien love, explicit sex, graphic language, and menage a trois.

Tosca's comment: Callie's happy ever after comes down to this: the alien or the warrior. Everything in life comes down to this, doesn't it, really? The alien or the warrior. THE ALIEN. OR THE WARRIOR. #truestory #nonotreally #tongueincheekhumour

Duty and desire: Military erotic romance / edited by Kristina Wright
Nothing beats a man in uniform. As the oft-quoted top fantasy for women, it is surprising that no anthology on the market has yet compiled a collection of steamy tales about sexy army men. Finally, Duty and Desire serves up a team of hot-blooded men (and women) from every branch of the military.

Tosca's comment: Because nothing sets the tone for an erotic romance like the subtitle "Military erotic romance," am I right?


Madhamster said...

and, thus my request list increases...

tosca said...

It's terrible. With every new blog post and tweet and Facebook post my request list just keeps getting worse. Better. Worse? Better?

breve711 said...

i had to pause mid-read because AGRICULTURE EROTICA! o_O

tosca said...

According to Lyn on our Facebook page, of course farms have agricultural erotica. I never thought about it until now and it kinda scares me O.O

Penny said...

You know (of course) about the song "She thinks my tractor's sexy"... :-P

tosca said...

I DO NOT! I had to look it up :P