Tuesday, August 7, 2012

5 books about the funny side of fashion

"So soon as a fashion is Universal, it is out of date."
- Marie Von Ebner-Eschenbach

Some random, weird catalogue search led me to this book *points left* which, in turn, I chucked aside in favour of the ones listed below because REASONS. (Yes, this is my excuse for everything). Seriously, these books will make you rejoice that fashion comes and goes the way it does. What I'm a little bit scared about is that so many of these things will, more than likely, come back again - maybe not knitted or crocheted. Possibly quilted? Who knows. After all, that is the way of fashion, is it not? And I'm not so sure that's a good thing. Consider it: paisley underwear, tartan underwear, fondue sets, cravats, smocks, knitted tank tops, blue eyeshadow, knickerbockers (ok, so maybe they're NOT knickerbockers but they ruddy well look like it!), hotpants (you think I'm kidding but I'm not), breast pockets that accidentally resemble breasts, lederhosen, crochet patchwork skirts, knitted ties, vests with fringe (don't ask where her hand is because I'm not sure), enough sideburns to do Movember proud (and you could use the hair to knit a dress out of) and loads of clothes that look like a re-enactment of the curtains-as-clothes scene from The Sound of Music. I did have a couple moments where I swore I saw a couple outfits my mum used to make me wear as a child. Forever traumatised. Also: LOVE YOU, MUM! (That was in case she's reading this blog right now). I promise, if you request all of these, you will laugh. So hard it hurts and you'll feel like you're hacking up a body organ. I know, right? You're welcome! And so: 5 books about the funny side of fashion.

The 70s : the decade style forgot / Tracey Turner
A staggering collection of 1970s fashion faux pas, from torso-clinging disco shirts to billowing bell bottoms. Mothers in hot pants, dads in leisure suits, children subjected to cruel knitting experiments... The 1970s brought us many things-some remembered fondly, others with a collective wince. But the true horror of the 70s lies in the many and various crimes against style. Whatever the cause, an almost universal lack of restraint, coupled with a dearth of taste, led to some of the most ghastly and regrettable styles in fashion history. Most people have, of course, set fire to any photographic evidence of their grimmest fashion errors, so the author has had to search far and wide to track down some of the crotch-mangling, buttock-hugging, polyester numbers you find here. So sit back and enjoy this homage to fashion's darkest hour.

About smocks and matching jumpers: This little girl is grimly gritting her teeth to hide her smock-related pain. Touchingly, the other child summons up a smile despite the conclusion of her mother's threat to 'knit you one just like mine.'

Ugly Christmas sweater party book : the definitive guide to getting your ugly on / Brian Miller, Adam Paulson, and Kevin Wool, a.k.a. Team Ugly of UglyChristmasSweaterParty.com
Definitive in every way, Ugly Christmas Sweater Party Book includes the history of the event, how to throw the perfect party, what to wear, and how to judge the all-important ugly Christmas sweater contest. But most important, Ugly Christmas Sweater Party Book is packed with more than 100 hilarious, full-color photos of outrageously ugly Christmas sweaters, including Scarf Face, Wreath Witherspoon, and Ryan Treecrest. It’s a must-have for the millions who plan to throw or attend an ugly Christmas sweater party, and a sidesplitting look at the funniest, craziest, most unbelievable holiday sweaters you can imagine—authorized by Team Ugly, the recognized experts on ugly Christmas sweater parties.

The museum of kitschy stitches : a gallery of notorious knits / by Stitchy McYarnpants
Hideous hats, ridiculous wraps, embarrassing neckties, and more they're all on display at The Museum of Kitschy Stitches, a photographic gallery of knitting and crocheting horrors. Want to see sci-fi inspired headgear from the 1940s? Gender-bending sweater sets from the '50s and '60s? Groovy outerwear from the '70s? Museum curator Stitchy McYarnpants has sifted through decades of vintage catalogues, patterns, and advertisements to assemble this astonishingly awful collection. Along the way, she provides sidesplitting commentary about the models and their very unfortunate fashion choices. It's essential reading for knitters and nostalgia buffs.

About jerseys that look like lamps: When you find yourself knitting outfits to match the lamps in your home, it's time to step away from the needles. Find a new hobby, check yourself in to a sanitarium, whatever you must do to keep yourself from making a dress that looks exactly like the refrigerator.

The worst fashion trends in the world! / Richard Jarman and the Advertising Archives
Fashion is a fickle friend. One moment we're dressed in a velour jumpsuit, showing off our new perm to the world, the next we're contemplating burning our house down to get rid of the photographic evidence! But there's no need to blame ourselves for these lapses in style and judgement, when we can blame fashion. In this anti-style bible, some of the very worst fashion trends of all time are collected, in the hope that they'll never again escape to taunt us. Clothes and hairstyles that we all loved at the time, but that in retrospect were, well, simply horrible. From kipper ties to shell suits, batwing sleeves to the puffball skirt, snoods to mood rings, The Worst Fashion Trends in the World reminds you that you weren't the only one who fell for the hype. Funny and nostalgic, this book is a must for anyone who's ever had the popper on their 'body' ping at an inopportune moment, or their Global Hypercolour T-shirt reveal their hot armpits to the world!

About crimped hair: In the '80s, girls the world over fed their hair into the hairstyling equivalent of a sandwich toaster at a temperature high enough to smelt iron ore. Getting it right was an exact science, the permutations of which foxed many a teenage girl. Some stuck their fingers in electrical sockets to equal effect. Like poodles that had been zapped with cattle prods at the pet beauticians, many a crimp put joke-shop wigs to shame.

Birds of a feather shop together : Aesop's fables for the fashionable set / Sandra Bark ; illustrated by Bil Donovan
No fashionista will be able to resist this witty collection of Aesop-inspired tales that rewrite morality for the stylish. Covering a range of beauty and fashion topics from head to toe— and including the original fables too—this charming volume gives important life lessons a couture twist.

No comments: