Tuesday, May 29, 2012

5 things I can't knit

"...the number one reason knitters knit is because they are so smart that they need knitting to make boring things interesting. Knitters are so compellingly clever that they simply can't tolerate boredom. It takes more to engage and entertain this kind of human, and they need an outlet or they get into trouble."
- Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

Last year in October I wrote a post for the Auckland Libraries blog about knitting. To be precise: 5 knitting books that confirm what I already suspected: I suck at knitting. In June some time of 2011 I was gung-ho for knitting and tried to make a scarf. I gave myself six weeks. It was a disastrous. I dropped stitches, made stitches up out of thin air, managed to stab myself with the knitting needles more times than I could count, broke a needle and mourned its loss briefly and, in the end, ended up with a great big mess that resembles my hair in the morning after a restless night's sleep. I gave up. I'm not proud of being a quitter, but I've long since gotten used to my half-abandoned projects. My pathway to hell is paved with the debris of a lifetime's worth of my good intentions and crafts projects. You'd think, then, that I'd spit at any and all knitting books I came across and make the sign of the cross. Not the case. If anything, I deliberately keep an eye out and count the number of items I cannot make myself. It's a weird love/hate relationship. And so I present: 5 things I can't knit!

Do you knit badly? Or are you a knitting fiend?

Fashion dog : thirty designs to knit, crochet and sew / Search Press
The book covers a range of contemporary, classic and retro styles, including a cable-stitched, roll-neck sweater, a Goth-style coat sporting a skull-and-crossbone motif on the back for dogs 'with attitude', a pretty pink loop-edged top for more feminine pups, and a variety of cushions, scarves, collars and pendants. All the patterns are accompanied by clear instructions and are beautifully modelled by Pablo the border terrier, Bella and Choupy the chihuahuas, a pair of Shi-Tzus called Caramel and Lovely, and various other dogs in appealing poses. Accompanied by charts and templates where applicable, this book is a must for knitters and stitchers of all abilities.

Tosca's comment: My sister used to dress her dog in jackets and jerseys. She was a heifer of a dog that used to eat my brooms when she came to visit, but she sure did dress well. I just...don't understand why people dress their dogs. Having said that, have you seen how GORGEOUS this cover is? So yeah, a whole book full of dog clothes that I can't make. w00t!

Tasty knits : made with love / Susan Penny, Susie Johns
Attractively packaged with beautiful photography, step-by-step instructions, and quirky patterns, this guidewill inspire knitters and make impressive novelty knitting achievable. Crafters will learn how to knit fast food, fruit, vegetables, and more with expert advicethat gives a fun twist to small projects. Containingmore than70 different designs this book reveals how to create delicious treats with lovenot love handlesfor all occasions.

Tosca's comment: I have a query: What do you do with knitted muffins? Make knitted people and have knitted tea parties?

Knitted fast food / Susie Johns
Perfect for gifts, play aids, or simple amusements for family and friends, this mouth-watering collection presents a variety of fast food-inspired knitting patterns. From hot dogs and cheeseburgers to sushi and breakfast dishes, this guide includes quick and simple projects as well as more complex and challenging concepts, all requiring only basic craft materials and tools. With 20 unique designs and variations based on the same methods, this handbook is ideal for crafty calorie counters.

Tosca's comment: Ok, so I'm still not sure what you do with knitted food so if you DO make some, please let me know what you do with them!

Egg cozies / Guild of Master Craftsman
Boiled eggs and toast are the ultimate in comfort food, whether it be for a lazy Sunday brunch or a cozy evening supper. Now you can enjoy your boiled eggs without the fear of them going cold with this book of fun and fabulous egg cozies. It includes perfect projects that cater for every table setting, from rustic or contemporary to novelty or chic.

Tosca's comment: I ADORE the idea of knitted egg cozies! Somebody make some so I can coo over them!

Gothic knits / Fiona McDonald
With the patterns in this book, knitting enthusiasts can create weird and wonderful knitted dolls. Starting with the same basic body and easy-to-follow instructions for making the faces and hair, the simple designs in this instructive guide allow knitters of all abilities to enjoy constructing these darkly adorable dolls. It also shows how to make the dolls' artful and distinctive knitted outfits and accessories, which are interchangeable so all of the items can be made using different colors and yarns to extend their wardrobes. Whether knitting for fun or wishing to create an unusual and unforgettable gift for a friend or relative, this book helps knitters make unique and irresistible gothic figures.

Tosca's comment: Gothic dolls. GOTHIC DOLLS. With accessories, even!

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