Tuesday, April 3, 2012

5 books to help you prepare for zombiegeddon...or to help you get along with them if that's the only option left

Zombie outbreak.  Zombiegeddon.  Zombie infestation.  Possibly the thought of such a thing happening takes up more of my time than anyone would think was healthy.  But there it is.  I do think about it.  Lots and lots and lots.  I've been eyeball deep in The Walking Dead graphic novels and season one of the television series and have enjoyed every minute so far, but it makes me realise some quite strange things about myself.  (If you were to ask me which I appreciate more, the books or the series, I'd have to say neither, as I'm liking both for different reasons).  Mostly, I contemplate how I would be the stupid girl in the movie I love to yell at who you just know is going to get eaten first because either she's wearing something that doesn't allow for clambering fences and jumping hurdles (like the silly shoes I have on right now with the big flowers on them that aren't good for anything except decoration and are making me limp at the moment) OR I would be the idiot who is totally clueless about the undead in general.  And then I thought about how, in the normal run of things, I'm a pacifist - admittedly an extremely bad tempered one, but a pacifist all the same.  I'm opposed to war or violence as a solution to any problem.  I believe that anything (most things?) can be peacefully settled.  I very much believe we should love our neighbour at all times...but what if said neighbour is a zombie?  One very intent on borrowing your brain rather than a cup of sugar.  What then?  Which made me ask myself: How do I prepare for a zombie outbreak?  I think I found the answer in a couple of ways: 1) read books to prepare for a  zombie war and 2) read books to prepare to love my undead neighbour from afar.  Way afar, way way way afar.  (Not a proper sentence, I know).  Which leaves you with this!  5 books to help you prepare for zombiegeddon...or to help you get along with them if that's the only option left

Title I would love to have included somehow but the book is missing :(
Every zombie eats somebody sometime : a book of zombie love songs by Michael P. Spradlin
Another zombie title I couldn't quite fit in this post:
Zombies vs. Nazis : a lost history of the walking dead by Scott Kenemore 


Are you prepared for zombiegeddon?


The art of zombie warfare : how to kick ass like the walking dead / Scott Kenemore ; illustrations by Adam Wallenta
This essential manual provides a careful review of the tactical combat advantages enjoyed by zombies, and gives the reader a step-by-step guide to adopting them in combat, in business, and in life.  Have you wondered where the great military leaders of modern history have found their collective inspirations?  Look no further!

Quote:
Do you want fame, or do you want to win?  That is your question.
Your answer is zombies.

Tosca's comment: Advice to remember - When you fight zombies, you always lose.  If you fight with zombies, or like zombies, you always win.


The zombie combat manual : a guide to fighting the living dead / Roger
Ma ; illustrations by Y.N. Heller
During a zombie outbreak, 98% of individuals will have to destroy their undead opponent without the aid of a firearm. Will you be ready? The Zombie Combat Manual is a comprehensive guide that demonstrates how anyone, from seasoned fighter to average citizen, can become an effective warrior in the inevitable battle against the undead.

Tosca's comment: Advice to remember - Zombies are not your friends.


The zombie survival guide : complete protection from the living dead /
Max Brooks ; illustrations by Max Werner
This book covers everything you need to know, including how to understand zombie physiology and behaviour, the most effective defence tactics and weaponry, ways to outfit your home for a long siege, and how to survive and adapt in any territory or terrain. Top 10 lessons for surviving a zombie attack: 1. Organize before they rise! 2. They feel no fear, why should you? 3. Use your head: cut off theirs. 4. Blades don't need reloading. 5. Ideal protection = tight clothes, short hair. 6. Get up the staircase, then destroy it. 7. Get out of the car, get onto the bike. 8. Keep moving, keep low, keep quiet, keep alert! 9. No place is safe, only safer. 10. The zombie may be gone, but the threat lives on.




It's beginning to look a lot like zombies! : a book of zombie Christmas carols / Michael P. Spradlin ; illustrations by Jeff Weigel
Fresh brains roasting on an open fire . . . Outside the temperature's dropping. The snow is falling, blanketing the world in white. Sleigh bells are jingling. Soon it will be that most wondrous time of the year! That time of flesh-devouring zombie horror! Yes, Christmas is on its way-and all the little boys and ghouls are dreaming of stockings filled with candied eyes and bleeding body parts. You'd better watch out! Santa Claws is coming to town-and he knows who's been naughty, who's been naughtier . . . and who'll taste best with a nice glass of Chianti! In celebration of this merry macabre season, we present a peerless compendium of more than two dozen of the most soul-stirring, brain-boiling carols composed specifically for the decomposing. Holiday favorites such as “I Saw Mommy Chewing Santa Claus,” “Deck the Halls with Parts of Wally,” and “We Three Spleens” are guaranteed to lift the spirits of the lumbering, shuffling undead and their temporarily still breathing meals-to-be. So put down your gore-splattered baseball bats and raise your voices in song! And sing loudly-to drown out all the screaming.

Quote:
I'll have an undead Christmas without you
I'll be so undead, and not thinking without you
Hanging lots of red brains on a green Christmas tree
Won't mean a thing if you're not undead with me
 - Undead Christmas (sung to the tun of "Blue Christmas" - YES, ELVIS)

Tosca's comment: Because you KNOW you want nothing more than to stand cheek-by-jowl (cheek-by-skeleton?) with your zombie neighbours and loudly and joyfully sing "Undead Christmas," right?  We all aspire to that.


Z.E.O. : a Zombie's guide to getting a (head) in business) / Scott Kenemore
A guide for any aspiring C.E.O. or even ordinary office worker who wants to move up the ladder, Z.E.O. offers over-worked, underinspired nine-to-five workers inspiration in a source they are sure to relate to: zombies! Learn how zombies can show you how to further a professional career—from the typing pool to the boardroom—and harness the "brains" necessary for personal success. Forget your company's "human" resources department: learn how zombie-team building exercises can take you to the top. What secrets do successful entrepreneurs and zombies have in common? And how does taking little bites of your coworkers lead to amassing a large army of the undead? Find out in Z.E.O. Lessons include the "Z-hour" work week, how to negotiate like a zombie, zombie time management and initiative, and a quarter-by-quarter guide to bringing about the complete zombification of your company or operation within a single fiscal year. Become the "head zombie" in your office by devouring your competition as you storm the barricades to take power in the boardroom. Sure, you might have to crack a few heads—and eat a few brains—along the way, but that doesn't stop a zombie. Why should it stop you? Your reign as Z.E.O. begins here.


Quote:
By learning the tactics of the zombie and applying them to the world of business and finance, you can become something greater than any corporate C.E.O.  You can become...a Z.E.O.


Tosca's comment: This is more for the business zombie.  Or the person who wants to run business like a zombie.  Why would anyone want to run a company like a zombie?  One simple reason: their focus and dedication.  Kenemore points out that they shouldn't really be able to move.  But they do.  Stagger, certainly, but movement all the same BECAUSE they're so invested in their goal, i.e. reaching you and eating your brains.  Huh.

2 comments:

breve711 said...

i have been waiting for months and months to get series 1 of the walking dead from the library, and finally finally finally i can pick it up tomorrow! i started reading the zombie survival guide, then had to return it before i could finish! fingers crossed i won't need to know anything from page 20 onwards before i get this back again

tosca said...

I watched series two (am watching series two? I've yet to watch an episode I My Sky'd) and WOW. I spent half the time sitting on the edge of my seat wondering where they can take the series next. Some quite obvious differences between the graphic novels and the show.

I spent most of this morning sitting in a doctor's waiting room looking at people's shoes and assessing whether or not they'd be able to run fast in a zombie attack :)