Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Top 5 tv clowns whose serial killer tendencies confirm why I will forevermore be scared of clowns

List by Tosca

"And where are the clowns?
Quick - send in the clowns
Don't bother - they're here."

- Stephen Sondheim from 'A Little Night Music.'

I've never liked clowns so the above lyric always seemed more like a threat that killer circus clowns would take over the world rather than the song of irony and regret it seems to be. With an imagination like this I'm never lonely! Coulrophobia is the fear of clowns but, seriously, what's not to be afraid of? They're creepy and monster-otherworld looking. I don't have coulrophobia. What I do have, though, is a very healthy, albeit somewhat irrational, dislike of clowns. I can remember when I first became scared of them - years ago my parents took me to see a circus and I remember being afraid of the too bright clothes, the orange wig and the too wide smile that looked like it ate children for dinner. Soon on the heels of that, my love affair with the tv series Little House on the Prairie ended abruptly when Laura, my idol of the time (I was 5 or 6 - don't judge me) had to dress as a clown (season 6, episode 5). I felt so betrayed. An episode of David Soul's Unsub series (1989) featured a child-killing clown (which sure as Hades didn't engender any warm and fuzzy feelings) but the final crushing blow came when Brian Dennehy, an actor whose work I'd always liked (yes, even as a kid) played John Wayne Gacy (1992) and ensured that my intense dislike for clowns was set in stone. Any tv episode where they're the bad serial killer just confirms why they scare me and I live for the moment they get their just desserts at the end, whether it's an arrest, surrendering, being exorcised, opting for death by cop or, even better, having it's huge inanimate head used for target practice by a hot FBI agent. Welcome to my silly list of top 5 tv clowns whose serial killer tendencies confirm why I will forevermore be scared of clowns.

The clown shaped speaker on top of the icecream truck from 'The girl in the gator' from Bones season 2, episode 13
Booth has to visit a psychiatrist after he shoots at an icecream truck's clown-shaped speaker.

Tosca's comment: What kind of people put a scary clown head on top of an icecream truck, anyway? For total win, this episode sees the introduction of the very funny Stephen Fry as Dr. Gordon Wyatt. Technically, the clown speaker isn't a serial killer but it's still disturbing.

The mathematician-killing clown in '18-5-4' from The Mentalist season 2, episode 21
A mathematician is murdered by a clown, and the BAU team find out he was working on a code-breaking machine.

Tosca's comment: Clowns everywhere in this because they rounded up local clown acts as suspects. Who knew there could be so many? *turns pale*

Killer clown in 'Everybody loves a clown' from Supernatural season 2, episode 2
Sam and Dean find themselves working for a small town carnival as they try to catch a demonic clown who befriends visiting children to get to their parents.

Tosca's comment: I'm a diehard Supernatural fan but this episode almost made me stop watching altogether. When I have marathon re-watches I skip this one. That clown has the lethalest looking teeth.

The serial killer who dresses as a carnival clown in 'Damaged' from Criminal Minds season 3, episode 14
Agent Rossi closes a 20 year old case involving a carnival clown.

Tosca's comment: I'm never taking my nephews to a carnival!

Pennywise the Clown from the movie It as played by Tim Curry (novel written by Stephen King)
Set in Maine, this is the story of a thirty-year struggle against supernatural evil. We follow a group of young men who calls themselves "the lucky seven" from 1960 to 1990. The Seven emerge triumphant from their first encounter with Pennywise, a clown-suited horror who calls himself "the eater of worlds... and of children".

Tosca's comment: Eater of worlds...and of children. Like that needs any more explanation! The book was bad enough but the movie - I'm 35 and I still watch it sitting under a blanket. Mr 7 loves it! And don't look at me, like I'd introduce him to a killer clown movie. He'll quite happily peer into drains waiting for Pennywise to appear while I grab on to the back of his pants desperately hoping not to see things floating, because hey, they all float down there UGH. My sibling admitted that after watching this movie she slept in mum and dad's bed for ages. She was 7. And before you ask why she was allowed to watch it at that age, another sibling and I put it on while my parents were out and scared ourselves silly. And were found out. Eep.

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